I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
