I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Randomize
