i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
