He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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