i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
