I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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