I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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