i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
