I wannas sexs uuuuu
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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