Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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