it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
