I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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