i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
