i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
