so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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