I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
