you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
