the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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