Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
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Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
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So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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