Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
