I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
