I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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