I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I know her cup size but not her name....
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
