I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
