There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
