apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
