so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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