so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
