Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
