I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
please come you make the beer taste better
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
