So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Randomize
