I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
