Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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