Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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