Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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