my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
