so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
honey bunches of taint.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Semen is not good for contacts.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
