I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
