I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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