I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
