I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
