I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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