Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
