How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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