Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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