i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
