Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
