There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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