Nicole vs. Life
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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