Will you blow on my dice?
now i know why i became what i already was.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
