Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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