I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
