this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
