Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
