I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
