Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
