went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
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