I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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