You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
This baby is an asshole
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
