I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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