Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Just pee around me
40s are totally the cure
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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