barbara walters just said penis...
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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