Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I think your dad took our porno
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
