Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
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He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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