so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
