Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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