my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
