The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
