Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Randomize
