The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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