when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
